First, let’s define the word passive. The Oxford dictionary’s definition is accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without active response or resistance. Some people have called it, permissive parenting which can be characterized by:
Lack of firm boundaries and limited guidance.
Minimal intervention in children’s routines and behaviors.
High parental support and responsiveness, but little structure or control.
Hands-off approach, offering children more space and flexibility (privacy)
We finished up 1 Samuel this week at Fearless and I hope you have been reading with your students. You can also watch the messages on The Seed Church app. Last week, we talked about Hannah and Samuel. This week I want to focus on Eli in 1 Samuel. God holds Eli responsible for the things he did NOT do as a father. Those neglected responsibilities had a ripple effect through Israel because he was the high priest in Shiloh. It was Eli’s neglect that introduced a cancer into the priesthood that could not be remedied but had to be removed.
So let’s look at the mistakes of a father that got Eli into trouble with God and opened the door to his enemies.
1. Eli did not restrain his sons because it was inconvenient to do so
1 Samuel 1:9 “Now Eli the priest sat upon a seat in the temple of the Lord”
It appears Eli chose to accommodate himself and do what was most convenient. People who are following the Lord ask the question, “Lord, what will you have me to do” rather than choosing for themselves what is more convenient or what is easiest in life. (1 Samuel 4:13)
2. Eli did not restrain his sons because he is afraid of them
In 1 Samuel 1:13-15 Eli says things to Hannah that he would never say to his own sons due to fear. The root cause of Eli’s behavior is fear. (1 Samuel 2:27-29) He honored his kids more than he honored God. He was more afraid of hurting his kids feelings than obeying God and more afraid of driving his children away than accepting God’s solution to the sin.
Fear can cause you to follow your kids down a path of sin. If you follow a path of sin where will your children be able to return to if they are ready to make things right with God?
Fear can also affect your judgment. This is clear in 1 Samuel 1:13-15 when Hannah is praying to God and Eli can no longer discern good from evil. The spiritual leader of Israel was unable to differentiate between the drunkenness that’s surrounded him and the heartfelt prayer of Hannah.
“2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
Where fear is present, there is no sound judgment. The ability to use discernment comes from training and repetition. Eli became afraid to apply scripture to his own life and therefore began to no longer have sound judgement or discernment. (Hebrews 5:13-14).
3. Eli did not restrain his sons because he did communicate well or teach them
“So why do you scorn my sacrifices and offerings? Why do you give your sons more honor than you give me—for you and they have become fat from the best offerings of my people Israel!” -1 Samuel 2:29
Make God’s priorities your priorities as a parent.
Discretion and wisdom are preemptive. Don’t wait for a catastrophe to begin training your children to serve God. Experience is a lousy teacher. Why? Because of what it cost. Proverbs is written to keep you from having to learn from experience. Trial and error is a bad idea because trials take too long and error costs too much.
What are you teaching them about God? Not what are they learning at church, but what are YOU teaching them? The same dads that are quick to kick their kids out of the house are very slow to instruct, open the Bible, pray, or spend one on one time with their kids.
Communication is a two way street – there is a transmitter and a receiver, otherwise communication is not taking place. Instruction includes why something is right and why something is wrong. Communication paves the way for your children to trust you.
The Bible says to train up a child in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6). Training is practice for the real thing. Training involves exercise (Hebrews 5:14) and muscle memory!
If your children cannot learn in the safe environment of the home and local church where people love them and want the best for them, they will not stand a chance in the world. Do what you can do now!
Eli put too much focus on his career but did not train his sons to honor God and to honor His house.
4. Eli does not restrain his sons because he’s not parenting on purpose
“Now Eli was very old, but he was aware of what his sons were doing to the people of Israel. He knew, for instance, that his sons were seducing the young women who assisted at the entrance of the Tabernacle.[a] Eli said to them, “I have been hearing reports from all the people about the wicked things you are doing. Why do you keep sinning? You must stop, my sons! The reports I hear among the Lord’s people are not good.” - 1 Samuel 2:22-24
Eli’s discipline was emotional and reactive, not purposeful and responsive.
Why expecting obedience is important:
Obedience is growth – there is no limit to what God can do with a Christian that always does what he’s told, when he’s told. The reason Ephesians 6:2-3 is practically true is that if your children were to obey everything you said about their choice of friends, their decisions, and their lives they would avoid the trouble that shortens lives.
Obedience sets them up for success.
“People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray.” -Proverbs 10:17
Identifying Rebellion
Rebellion is not a phase, it’s a nature. Rebellion is an authority issue. Psychology attempts to find some peripheral issue like the past or stress in the marriage and link that to rebellion. We have become so backward where parents will not chasten rebellion in their children all the while congratulating them for just having a pulse.
Rebellion starts with experimenting. Testing boundaries is how your child will begin. You will both lose in the end if the rebellion is not checked early. Start with a tight grip, then loosen it. Don’t try to start with a loose grip and try to tighten it.
Obedience Requires Parent’s Expectation
First of all, God requires obedience from your children, so don’t hinder the work of God by not expecting the same. Children obeying parents is a command given to them by God.
The goal is to get them to be what God wants them to be. You may be domineering and be able to impose your will on people, but the art of parenting is to position them in the direction of God and represent God well.
Obedience Requires Parent’s Enforcement
Don’t say things you don’t mean. Don’t make rules you can’t enforce. Don’t make rules you aren’t going to enforce. That’s otherwise known as an idle threat. Be consistent and be open to the direction of God. He will provide you with the direction and plan as you ask for His help.
I am praying for you as a parent to be led by God in every area and that He is going to give you the direction you need to parent on purpose!
Make Wednesday nights Non-Negotiable!
Pastor Caleb Womble